Leaving Home

I was having a text conversation with a friend the other day that triggered all kinds of thoughts circulating in my head around moving, leaving places, starting over and all that is let go and left behind in order to create something new. This is not my first rodeo but I wonder when it will be my last…when I will find my forever place, maybe someday, maybe never.

I have moved a lot in my life, about 19 times in fact. Sometimes those were back and forth moves, some where transitions but to me, that seems like a lot in 43 years. I essentially grew up in one place, not starting my nomadic life until after high school. I was fortunate to travel a lot when I was a kid, which sparked a love of travel and exploration. It always fascinated me those people who grew up in the same place for generations and those people who had never traveled beyond the borders of their own state. There is much to be said for being a part of that kind of community and holding a sense of place, something which my curiosity about the world at large has never let me experience fully.

I have lived here in New Mexico the longest I have ever lived anywhere in my adult life. It is my home. Much has happened in the 10 years I have been here. I have experienced a lot of heartache but also an equal number of blessings. It is a place of duality that lures you in and just as quickly can spit you out. It is not always an easy place to live but the living here is easy. You will not find a sky, a sunrise or a sunset as beautiful and majestic as you do here. You will not experience the desert and a more enchanting landscape than you will here. This is not called the land of enchantment for nothing. It enchants, entraps and captivates those that fall under its spell.

However, it is time to go forth once again and create a life someplace else. Making the decision to move has been rather difficult for me. I have not been ready but when are we truly ever ready to step into the unknown? It requires faith and a strong enough Why to pull you forward.

Part of the struggle in making the commitment to move was that in this past year the way to finding my people and my purpose finally opened up. It is interesting how the universe works! I finally come to the decision to change my life and then my life opened up, offering me the very things I had been longing for. It feels like a test of faith as I leap into the unknown. I am being asked to look at what I am saying yes to. I recognize the same pattern from so many moves before. I find myself connecting with friends, relishing in the beauty of those connections, wondering where all of this was before and questioning if I am making the wrong decision to leave.

However, I continue to be pulled forward into the unknown and towards change. Moving has taught me some important lessons about life. First, I have learned the importance of holding things and people lightly. When we become so attached to anything it is often out of fear and you cannot make a clear decision from that place. I have learned that the only constant is change and the more I am open to that the easier and more joyful my life becomes. I believe that people come in and out of our lives for seasons, reasons and sometimes for life and those who are meant to stay, will, no matter the distance that separates us. And sometimes, probably more often than not, change is exactly what is needed for growth.

I do not have a timeline for leaving although my inkling is soon. As I transition forward I leave a piece of my heart here in this land of enchantment and carry with me a little from all those have touched my life here, hoping that I have left this place a little brighter from simply calling it my home.


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