I was lucky enough growing up to have been allowed to follow my interests and for a long time it seemed that was how I would find my true north. My mother pushed me out of the nest and showed me that the world was my oyster.
However, for all of her encouragement and guidance I have struggled for so long to step onto my own path. I have taken many twists and turns along the way, all of which having afforded me incredible experiences. However, I sometimes feel like a jack of all trades and master of none.
With all the experiences and tools I have in my toolbox I have always felt an inner sense of urgency toward something more, something waiting in the unknown.
As I started to try and put the pieces together that made up the picture of who I was it felt like going on a treasure hunt without a map. A part of me has known for some time that I would not be able to fully step into my life mission and find my treasure until I had my mom’s soul’s guidance. I believe there truly is Divine timing and placement when it comes to one’s purpose and I feel my timing is now. The more I am at peace with where she is on her journey, the easier it is for me to walk towards mine. I have to believe that my mom offered me all that she could on this plane. It doesn’t mean that I don’t still long for her wisdom and guidance in the here and now. It just means that I have to dig deeply within myself relying on the gifts she gave me while learning to listen to her soft voice whispering in my ear.
She once told me that she never really had to worry about me, she knew that I would go on to live that extraordinary life she had hoped for me. I am confident that she was right. Like so many mothers she put everyone else’s “needs” before her own. I watched my mom struggle to identify who she was beyond a mother. After becoming a mother myself I found out how easy it was to loose myself in everyone else’s needs. It doesn’t take long to then lose your sense of self or your inner compass. In a way she chose to let go of all the attachments, all the “needs”, all the earthly ties, all the fears to set her soul free and in so doing, allowing all of us to spread our wings and fly. What a selfless act and lesson.
As I journey forward I feel her breathing air underneath my wings, giving me the courage to truly soar.